Why do your steps falter?
Do I see you shudder?
Why do you stand and gape
Why does your hand grip your neck at the nape?
My heart is strong
My flesh is young
But what ails me
Lies deep within
Thirty and more years I have lugged it around!
Fifteen years it watched me grow
Then it stirred and demanded food
I have offered it for free yet no takers
Should I blame them?
When instincts warn of cocktail of spite and vengeance
Of retorts that hint at wickedness in secret places
And visage far from those of knights renown
But if truth be told
I have fed it words, hoping it would bud
and birth fruits fit to be shown
So now, a prize I have placed on it
Do not ask me for a figure
Make me an offer
And let’s see where it goes
Come with your knife and your saw
Hack it out and take it with you
For what use is it to me?
Except an harbinger of sleepless nights
And wishful longings
I have daydreamed till I dreamed of days without dreams
There is no hope in it
I have searched every nook and cranny
Take it as yours
Do not tell me if it works
I am tired of the pain of false starts
I am fed up of the despair of no starts
I have fed it songs of love and pairings
But songs don’t become flesh
And the caress of strings pale before a single touch of a slender hand
It has said the wrong things
It has given voice to strange things
Its lips have brought nothing but trouble
“Give it over there” is all I have heard
“I shall have it!” escapes no feminine lips
It wants more than friendship
So it stands in the rain and looks longingly at you
But you are ensconced inside where it is warm and nice
But I have sinned, so I expect I will pay the price
So we come to the crux of the matter
With effort it casts its web of desire
Its strength flimsier than gossamer
Catches nothing but air and dreams
Take it now!
Take it far from me!
Forget the prize
If without heart I would have peace
Then take it and let me be done with it
Maybe I can then close my eyes
And sleep like the dead
No dreams to flutter my lids
If only for a night
Doctor! . . .