The problem with those health tips
So, a family member sent me the following important health tips which look quite simple, but on closer examinations, are probably next to impossible to follow in this neck of the woods.
My “realistic” (I hope you know a joke when you see one) comments are after each tip.
1. Answer phone calls with the left ear.
Very few people are going to even remember this one except possibly “lefties” who don’t count since it comes natural to them. The girls are going to use whichever ear makes them look sexier whn they swish their hair in order to answer the phone. The guys have the Bluetooth thing (does it turn their brain blue or bring on the blues in the long run?) going on unless they need to hold the i-tab-pad to their head for effizie purposes.
2. Don’t take your medicine with cold water.
Well, if you don’t mind going to the water dispenser (and we all know the trip to the dispenser is for getting an update on who is doing what and the water is an afterthought, don’t we?) to mix hot and cold to get the mixture at room temp – too much work for all the office seat-potatoes! In this fast-paced (only on the computer and on the roads) world, very few people would take the time to for this one unless it kills them.
3. Don’t eat heavy meals after 5pm.
No 24/7s here. Eba, Amala, Tuwo, Garri, Yam, heaps of rice, pick your choice!
Well, I have heard many an African man complain (when asked about the paunch) that “it’s the dinner. But you don’t want women wahala O! If you no eat, them go think say you don get someone outside who is feeding you.” (Lame excuse, eat a little portion, not demolish a bowl and a half of eba on that pretense). On the other hand, vegetables that could have constituted evening meals cost an arm and a leg in this country where the basic preservation options don’t exist.
And the rich that can afford to eat healthier meals want their assorted “meat” dishes!
4. Drink more water in the morning, less at night.
This is definitely doable. Most people drink “alternative” (alcohol) water at night anyway (especially the men). Now if only one could convince them to drink more water in the morning instead of trying to use coffee to cure their hangovers!
5. Best sleeping time is from 10PM to 4AM
In which town? The middle-class live too far away from their workplaces and the rich party all night till dawn. Who else is left? The kids. Oh? Rich kids hang out at the mall till odd hours or watch Satellite TV and the parents wake up the “other” ones early so they can drop them off on the way to work.
6. Don’t lie down immediately after taking medicine.
Completely against what most people who are ill enough feel inclined to do. Unless, we get the doctors to tell them that if they lie down, the drug will go to their heads and make them crazy – you only need to mention “crazy” and “ market” in the same breath and you should have total obedience (certain tribes believe that once a crazy person enters a market, there is no cure for the craziness)
7. When phone’s battery is low to last bar, don’t answer the phone, cos the radiation is 1000 times stronger.
The only way to get people to at least think twice about this one is to circulate a professionally photoshopped image of someone whose brain has been parboiled. You may then have some hope with this one instead of people shouting into the phone “Hello! Hello! Speak up! My battery is low!” while trying to jam the phone inside their ear!
Can u forward this 2 people you care about?
Well, I can certainly do that 🙂